The 50 Word Review

Such delightful innocence and good fun too. From an era when you could disguise two men - on the run from the Mafia - with dresses and some breast padding. Add to the mischief the sweetness of Marilyn Monroe and you have a classic. JJ

Michael Madsen stars in this average movie about the trials of excesses, and where it leads you. He is a failed financial speculator drawn into a scheme of murder, deceit, and drug-deals. Que event followed by escape to Beijing. Everyone is out to get everyone else,and has their own agenda, leaving only a very unsatisfying ending. Brian Murray

Budget movie about a dude that gets hooked on speedballing, coke, strippers and booze, and looks on with a sheepishly naive face of disbelief when he ends up in hospital after not paying his drug debts, his wife leaving him for another man because he beat her, and his daughter terrified of him because of his bloodied septum. Pineapple is the “safe word.” Brian Murray

Possibly the worst thing ever to come out of the north of England if you discount Pot Noodle or Jimmy Saville -Dead Man’s Cards is as charmless as a disused coal pit. It’s the story of two sort of morally upstanding door men pitted against delinquent door men. I choose the bubonic plague over re-watching this. JJ

A very dodgy movie where Mormons are kidnapped and tortured by a deranged clown. A couple is looking for a break from the big city life at a cabin for the weekend, when they meet this clown. The female lead is supposed to have had a minor psychotic episode, but looks more like she‘s on the run from her stripping job. Brian Murray

The final instalment of Jason Bourne’s adventures to learn of his forgotten past is intense, yet cool and composed.  By far, the best action-thriller of the decade. I got high on the Waterloo Station sequence. Omid Nikfarjam