The 50 Word Review

Chuck Norris, need I say more. Hired as a heavy for a casino in Macau, the family he works for are all murdered bar one, the swinger daughter. He’s forced into vengeance, albeit reluctantly. Some hilarious narratives by Chuck himself.

Brian Murray

A better follow-up to the original Bruce Almighty, which shows the anchorman-turned senator trying his hand at making an Ark, and becoming Noah, all in the name of God. A biblical story told in a lighthearted manner. Even anti-Christs may find this inoffensive.

Brian Murray

Britain’s most straight-laced copper, Sgt. Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is booted off to sleepyville, somewhere in rural England run by the NWA. Loaded with homages to American cinema and television, especially cop dramas, Hot Fuzz has brilliant moments (running through fences) but is not as funny as it could be -  HF overruns and possibly out of steam -or whatever jokes are made of. JJ

Convoluted and trashy, there are more hit squads in Smokin’ Aces than Baghdad - all with the mission to knock off out of favour Mafia entertainer Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel. Desperately tries to marry style and violence while imitating movies such as Mad Max, Sin City, Lock Stock, Oceans 11-13, but, despite the glut of talent ends up in a rubbish heap.

JJ

It’s your typical teen flick - the microcosmic world of an American high school. Lohan, who is beautiful but nice, gets caught up in the wind storm of popularity and becomes a mean girl herself, ditching her true misfit friends in the mean time. It’s not gonna’ win any awards for greatness, but it does what it says on the can! Cristina Pittelli

In 1993 The Complete Manual of Suicide was published in Japan, selling more than one million copies - in 2006 there were 30,000 reported suicides in the country. The Manual, a dramatic interpretation based somewhat on the book, fails to exploit its sensational subject matter. Lacks ambition, originality and focus. JJ

As a period movie The Duellists is close to perfect; some of the still life scenes could have been painted on to the screen. TD revolves around two battle hardy ranking officers in Napoleon’s army (Harvey Keitel, Keith Carradine) and their 15 year myopic enmity, played out in a series of ‘last man standing’ sword fights. Thoroughly humanistic and evocative. One to watch, twice!
JJ

Dark Water drowns under the weight of well, water and expectation. Not a scene goes by in this ‘timid horror’ without a flood, a downpour, a constant leak, an exploding toilet. The problem is that DW is essentially not a horror (neither was the original Japanese version). Jennifer Connelly stars as a newly separated mum trying to start anew with her daughter. However, the occupants of flat 10 F have otherworldly desires for the pair. Disappointing. JJ

Jeremy Irons plays identical and inseparable twin brothers, Eli and Bev Mantle - gifted gynaecologists on a shared path of self destruction - in this tense drama. Cronenberg masterfully constructs an elaborate series of ‘real illusions’, with identity as the central tenet; in the end neither the actors supporting the neurotic twins nor the viewer is ever convinced they can tell the brothers apart. JJ

Hero Keanu Reeves, plays a buff, gum-chewing maverick police officer alongside Sandra Bullock. Together they save the day (6 or 7 times) after a bomb is primed to explode on board a ‘character laden’ commuter bus. The film is packed with Keanu’s ‘so-cheesy-they’re-entertaining’ one liners. Fast-paced thrilling adrenaline fuelled ride through the freeways of LA.

Cristina Pittelli